LEXI

The past two weeks with our new little visitor Lexi has been joyful ones for the most part. It’s also been transforming for her. Lexi has gone from a shy, sad child who never spoke to a happy, loving child who now says even some words in English. “Hello! Hello!, she calls out as she walks down the street waving. She wakes up singing songs in her crib and calls out for “Carlita” or “Papi Joe” to come get her.

The past two weeks has also given us an inside hint to how bad the abuse was in her prior home. Once I bent down to wipe a crumb off her face and she turned and flinched, expecting me to slap her across her face. She heard a baby crying outside and she explained to me in Spanish that the baby’s mother must have hit it. I was wrestling with Carlie on the bed and pretended to spank her. Lexi shot out of the room like a rubber-band, hiding her eyes from the “abuse” I was dealing out to her beloved “Carlita”. Little things like this make us truly sad that she has endured such badness in her short 3 or 4 years of life. (No one knows her true age)

Day by day we’re also coming to know her as the little girl she is inside when abuse is replaced with love. She thoroughly enjoys coming to the Kingdom Hall with us, where she is showered with more love and attention in two hours than she’s ever known in her whole life. Apparently she’s been to church at least once in her life or known someone that goes because after the prayer she tried to make the sign of the cross. She now remembers to pray before every meal with us and even reminds Joe to say her bedtime prayer. She loves to swim. She eats like she was never fed, although she’s not a skinny child! She wakes up in the morning begging for coffee and bread. She folds clothes, washes herself in the shower, takes dishes to the sink when she’s done and throws dropped food in the trash after she eats.  She’s my little Cinderella.

Lexi also has some quirks. What child doesn’t? She likes to “breast-feed” her stuffed animals. She likes to sit in the kitchen and watch me cook, explaining in Spanish each ingredient that I use and then telling me the food is ready even if it’s not. She likes to change clothes at least 3 times a day and puts her prettiest dresses into her crib so she can look at them before she falls asleep for her nap. This is because she’s never had such nice clothes before and it really makes her happy to try on things that aren’t ripped or moldy. She can spend hours staring out of the windows quietly watching the world pass by. If a dog barks or a boy rolls by on his bike, she announces it. She loves to draw. Last week I bought her a notebook and she’s already filled it with page after page of colorful circles. She has been caught trying to put on “eye-shadow” with one of her crayons. Lexi is good at naming food items and animals, but does not know her colors or numbers. It’s easy to see no one has ever tried to teach her anything but neglectfulness.

We joke with friends that she’s gone from pauper to princess overnight. She now has her own bed, own room, toys, beautiful clothes, a pair of silver earrings, more than one pair of shoes, someone who bathes her, cleans her teeth and does her hair, she has her own books. She goes to the pool, eats at restaurants and cafes, is held and kissed on by dozens of new “family” members from our congregation, inherited a “big sister” and two Chihuahuas that make her laugh- she is now a real kid and not treated like a wooden Pinocchio with no heart or feelings.

Lexi will probably be living with us until at least the end of July. After that we’re not sure what will become of her if we put her back into the orphanage, where she will sleep in a dorm-type room shared by at least six other girls and eat tuna sandwiches every day. We try not to think about that for now, and enjoy for the moment being a family of four.

LEXI MOVES IN

This has been by far the strangest week of my life by far. Those of you who read my blog have a hard enough time keeping up with our crazy lives, but this takes the cake.

Monday was fine and dandy. We had arranged to go by bus to Papallacta for the day with our friends the Salinas’. I’m really glad we’re friends with another family who both speak English and have a kid that Carlie likes to play with, despite the fact that “he’s an icky boy”. Anyway, Papallacta, which is a resort destination with swimming pools heated by volcanic water is 2.5 hours from us. But the bus decided to drive at a snail’s pace and it took over 3 hours. We got there around 11ish and helped ourselves to the mountainous region’s delicacy- fried trout from the fresh rivers surrounding us. Coming from the hot humid jungle, we were all freezing in the cold misty mountain air. It was a perfect day for the hot pools- after one more cup of hot coffee at this small roadside diner.

We rented floats for the kids and after changing into our swimsuits in what felt like 30 degree weather, we hopped from pool to pool for the next 4.5 hours. Termas Papallacta, a resort surrounded by about 20 different hot pools of varying temperatures, is a haven for gringos and the Ecuadorian elite. Just to enter cost $7 for adults—at least twice than minimum wage here in Ecuador. Cabins with private Jacuzzis and fireplaces can be rented for the $200 range. Meals at the casual lunch restaurant would have put a family of three over $40 just for lunch, not including 12% tax and tip. We relaxed in the pools as it drizzled a cold rain on our heads until we decided it was time to head back. Hugo and Jess were headed from there to Quito to get some paperwork done, and Joe, Carlie and I were headed back to Tena.

What would be an hour wait for our bus back to Tena took five minutes. As we were waiting for the next bus after missing the prior one by seconds, a green SUV stopped at our busstop and honked the horn. It was Gary, from our congregation. He was headed back to Tena from Quito himself and offered us a ride when he saw us on the side of the road. We were back in Tena in 2 hours and treated him and Eleanor to pizza as thanks for the ride. It was a wonderful relaxing day, but nothing could have prepared me for the phone call I got the next morning.

I can’t go into detail about the following events simply because there are no details. I know about as much as you and I will divulge what I have been told. Tuesday morning I got a phone call. Joe was at the bank and Carlie was in the next room playing Barbies. The phone call directed me to “talk to Joe about it” and “see you in a half hour”. Joe walked in the door as I hung up. 

To back up a bit, you have to realize that Joe’s been working as a volunteer with an American foundation. Doing so has procured Visas for us to live here longer legally in Ecuador. The foundation helps parents who can’t take care of their children by taking them for a specified amount of time while the parents get their lives straight. The foundation is in the midst of setting up an orphanage on the other side of town, but it’s not complete yet. Meanwhile, about 10 children are living all in one home with an American family from South Carolina. On Tuesday morning, another child, a three year old girl was brought to them by her prostitute mother and the police. The mother had tried to kill the girl twice in one week- once by drowning and the other by suffocating her. The abusive boyfriend wanted her to do it. The other children already living in the home have even worse stories. The American family has no more room for another kid until the orphanage is ready, yet there is a long waiting list of more children. Three are babies that aren’t yet born and the mothers already know they don’t want them. And thus begins the story of how Jamilex, or Lexi, as we call her, entered our home and lives.

Within minutes of meeting Lexi, almost age four, Joe and I decided we could take her back to our home and provide some stability for her. We were briefly told her background, given some old clothes from her mom, and told she might be living with us for three months or more. No background check on us was given, no papers were signed, nothing. Within a half hour we were already back at home and figuring out what I would cook for lunch…for four people.

Later that day I brushed her little curls, washed her face, and I went on some Bible studies with another pioneer. Lexi held her head low and silently sobbed for an hour straight. I have no idea what her little life was like before she met us, but I was determined to make it a lot better starting now. We went for ice cream afterwards and she pointed to what flavor she wanted with the finger which the nail has all but fallen off. She doesn’t talk, and when she does it’s an inaudible whisper most of the time. Her dull eyes are sad and plaintive, and her mouth is usually turned downward. That night we put the mattresses on the floor and all four of us slept together. Lexi slept long and deep like the weight of the world was finally off her little bruised shoulders.

Wednesday Joe and Hugo spent the entire day hooking up our dryer. I figured it was time to get it running since I’d be doing laundry for four now. Lexi’s clothes were stained with mold, ripped or cut above the belly button by her mother to make it look more sexy. I bought her some more clothes in addition to the donated clothes the foundation gave me; clothes with tags that said LL Bean, Baby Gap, and The Children’s Place.  Lexi is now in the care of a family who can provide nice clothes for her, three hot meals a day, a soft bed in her own room, and lots of love. After fixing the dryer and going with Jess to get Lexi some clothes, the Salinas’ invited us over for pizza. Aedyn had Lexi laughing a bit, showing her rotten tooth in the front. She ate her pizza, asked for water in a low voice, and went back to playing with Carlie and Aedyn. It was a great “family night”. Lexi seemed to come out of her shell a bit. When we got home, Lexi undressed herself and then folded and put away her own clothes.

Yesterday was the Memorial. I spent the day cooking, cleaning, and getting prepared just as I do each year, except this time with a bit more anxiety. What would the friends think of this new little girl sitting with Carlie and me? (Joe was passing the emblems) What questions would they ask that I didn’t know the answers to? Lexi played with Carlie’s stuffed animals and colored a bit before taking a four hour nap. Upon waking I put her in a white dress with flowers as it began to rain. “This is all too weird,” I thought. After the Memorial we went to Gary and Eleanor’s for snacks. Lexi ate an adult size portion. Although she isn’t skinny by any means, I’m starting to see she wasn’t fed very much in her previous life.

Today was hot, sunny and no rain clouds in sight. Finally no rain for 8 hours straight! What a great day to take the kids (plural) to the pool. We ended up with a nice group: me and “my girls”, Jessamyn and Aedyn, and Eleanor and her grown “girl” Abbey. Abbey has a way with kids like Cesar Milan has with dogs. Kids immediately adore and cling to her. Since moving here, Carlie has put Abbey on the highest pedestal. One tickle and splash in the pool and Lexi was the same- like a bee to the honey. Abbey took her down the slide. Abbey let Lexi ride on her back like a dolphin. Abbey let her splash her in the face 100 times. Abbey shared her chips with her. Abbey let Lexi feel like a real kid again. Then Abbey sat out a while with her beer and Jess took over. I could see on Lexi’s face that she was beginning to feel the strong net of love and support that’s surrounding her. Inside I was feeling a mix of strong emotions, but mainly confusion. How do I really feel about this new kid in my home? How will I feel a month from now? How will it be to look her in the eyes and tell her she has to leave our family and go live in an orphanage with other unwanted kids? If we give her back after three months, will we feel a big hole in our hearts? Am I being fair to Carlie? Later in the evening, after a shower and putting on her Minnie Mouse pj’s, I held her as we sat on the terrace and watched the sun set over the palm trees together. One moment she was whispering to me how she’d like to go swimming again and the next moment she was fast asleep.