E.O.G. TEST TIME

Do you remember in elementary school when you had to take the E.O.G.’s (end of grade tests), known back in my day as the CAT test? (And I live a good three days drive from California) I remember them fondly with horror. I remember the monotonous practice drills each day for a month in advance of the CAT test- drills that were 100 times harder than the real thing. I remember my mom making me go to bed at 7pm the night before each test as if I were going to go into REM sleep during the geography part. I remember all the boiled eggs, tuna, and peanut-butter toast she forced me to eat during testing. “ It’s brain food”, she would say as if she were a neurosurgeon. Now, all these years later, my own daughter is taking the CAT test. The only difference is that I am her teacher. Other than that the test is the same, I think even with the same exact dumb questions. It hasn't been revised since 1992. The test itself was not cheap; it cost me $60 which I am considering making her pay me back for. Mamma needs her nails done. It came in the mail today all the way from Kitty Hawk. It was filled with instructions- all the do’s and don’ts of fifth-grade testing. How hard could it be? I read on. Very hard. Too hard. She will have to fill in each bubble exactly so, so as not to throw off the machine that will grade it. I have to fill in all our personal info on the correct lines so the machine knows who is responsible for cheating the grade earned. I have to plan who will administer the test (it’s recommended it not be me), I have to start on the day it requires (this Monday!) and break it into 3 hour test sessions for at least 3 days. I have to mail it back by a certain day and make sure I have paid appropriate postage so it will arrive by the due-date or else I owe $20 a week for each week late. There are fees for lost test booklets, fees for priority grading, and fees for practice booklets for the following grade level. All this plus we have to wait over a month for the test results! I’m way more stressed about my end of the deal than hers. At least hers is multiple choice. Am I sweating?! Don’t get me wrong- home-schooling my own child is a joy, blessing, and protection. (The local news tonight is doing a story about sex on school campuses!) I’m very proud of the accomplishments she has made thus far: reading by age three, fluent in Spanish by age six, cursive handwriting that would make George Washington proud… But all this testing junk is just a waste of time and hard-earned money in my opinion. If I want to know if she gets it, I ask her. That’s it. I mean, I throw in spelling tests here and there but the child is smarter than me. What else do I want?? As long as she graduates by age 18 or before knowing how to write a thank-you note by hand, balance a checkbook (which most adults don‘t), and use Wikipedia I’m a happy parent.